Be a Stand Out!

When you feel like you don’t fit in that is the time to stand out.

This is really hard for women. We’re taught all our lives to fit in. And when we feel like we don’t fit in, we aren’t comfortable enough with who we really are and letting that show. This is something that takes a lot of practice, ample doses of courage, and just doing it over and over again until we feel comfortable with standing out.

stand out

I have found that the very moment we feel most vulnerable and “different” is actually the most critical time to stand out and share our uniqueness.

I learned this lesson about a year ago at a book fair. I had arrived somewhat late and only had a few minutes to get my small booth and book display assembled before the book fair opened. Because I was in a hurry, I was very focused and just stuck to the task at hand. No talking, no wandering about the exhibit hall to check things out, no comparing and contrasting booths. When I finished, just in time, the doors to the book fair opened, and then, looking around, I panicked.

I noticed instantly that my book display and booth didn’t look anything at all like what the other book vendors had put together. Because this was my very first book fair, I felt instantly that I didn’t fit in, that I did it wrong, and that I was showing my naievete about the book business. I confided to a friend of mine who had joined me that I felt foolish for how my display looked compared to the others. I felt very uncomfortable.

be yourself

All the other tables simply had a stack of books on them and order forms. I wanted to change my display immediately! I wanted to fit in. I wanted to put the shiny, glitzy pinwheels I had brought to decorate the display with under the table along with the press kits, framed photos, Pinwheel Girl magnets and totebags! And many other “different” things I had used. Unfortunately for my own set of nerves, there wasn’t any time left for me to re-do what I had created. But, fortunately, this situation would create a learning opportunity for me.

For the first hour I worried that I was doing this all wrong, that I didn’t get it, that I didn’t know how to do a “proper” book fair. I was very concerned about how I was coming off in front of the other vendors. But as more and more traffic came to my booth and more and more positive interactions occurred, I began to relax, enjoy myself, and realize that both I and the booth were doing just fine. With each minute, I grew more and more comfortable, and felt more and more like myself. Because I was being myself and doing what rang true for me, by being different and unique, I was authentic with each person who came to my booth. The result was a stand out feeling, book sales, and a pitch to a major US publisher.

fitting in is overrated

Looking back, I am glad that I didn’t have the chance to change my display. If there had been more time, I might have. I might have given in to the enculturation of being like everyone else and finding comfort in that. But I learned on that day that it is best to stand out, even when you feel vulnerable, nervous and scared to do so.

When you stand out, you are being you.

You are being your true self. That’s the only way to be.